If we’re honest, we can acknowledge that the holidays are full of warmth and love for many families. It can also be a time when family dysfunctions can rise up can bite us in the buttocks. No family is perfect, except for the Kardashians,obviously, but some are downright toxic; the Pitt-Jolie is a good example. Once you can be honest with yourself and say, “As much as I love them, my family’s messed up”. You can be to do you 1-steps to Family- Dysfunction –Loner- Disorder.
PLAN THE ESCAPE
Try to expose yourself as minimal as possible. If you must HAVE dinner with your family (nobody does anyway), just slam your face on the plate and say you’re done and excuse yourself from the table. You’ll not only mark your reputation as the fastest eater, but as the polite one who excuses himself from the table.
Step 2: DON’T RELY ON THE DESSERTS
That is the trap, beware! Remember, the dessert table is the table where you’re crazy Aunt catches you to evangelize you and criticize your outfit. Ask your younger siblings to bring you the desserts to you so they can put up with the annoying adult.
LAUGHING IS THE BEST MEDICINE (Medically proven, all dentist recommend it)
Find humor wherever and whenever you can. It’s okay to roll your eyes to the adults talking about their jobs. Sarcasm is the best tool yet. You’re cousin got an award? Congratulate her on the plastic trophy painted as gold, it’ll make her day.
Never, never ever, leave your cell phone or laptop at home. Without such important devices, you will NOT survive the holidays. A family member will always start venting about how he or she doesn’t have a special someone during the holidays. Who cares? Your friend just sub tweeted you on Twitter that is so much more important than giving advice to some depressed loner.
DON’T HESITATE TO CONFRONT
Nothing is better than drama in the family reunion during the Holidays. If you’re uncle tries making you seem like you’re too “young” to be with the adults. Be blunt, and stand up for yourself. Never hold it in, it’s bad for the soul.
If you are verbally abused by an adult or put on the spot, be the bigger person. Don’t let it get to you. Just get their chair for them, put it in the backyard and keep them outside so they can think things through. They obviously need time alone, be the better person and give it to them.
Is this what you really want? To be here with family, and act like everything is perfect? You know what to do, tell them you’re going to the bathroom and ditch them. Walk around the block, get some Starbucks and come back right before dinner begins. Nothing better than some caramel frappe on such beautiful day.
Be compassionate of others. If a problem rises up or it gets awkward , firmly address the situation and present the solution. Ask them to leave. They will understand and feel your compassion towards the family and the problems. Silence is golden, but duck tape is silver.
It works every time. Peer pressure can apply to parents, and it’s the holiday anyways, so you can trust families with your life, right? Why not mention how you’re grades are “B” average but you’re parents still don’t want to buy you your Xbox this Christmas. Tell the world, it’ll solve your problems. Once you get home, you will only get loving attention from your parents for putting them on the spotlight.
Most important tip of all, saving you from millions of questions. You’re little siblings or cousins ask about Santa Clause all December? Be the mature person, and be honest, tell them how he doesn’t exist. They will cry for a few days, or months but it’s for the best, they will love you even more than what they did. You will no longer be asked questions or hear songs for Santa for the next few years.
Camera and editor: Jose Luis